“Those we love never truly leave us. There are things that death cannot touch.”
Jack Thorne

Filipinos have always held strong beliefs in their cultural traditions, which often combine indigenous practices with colonial and religious influences. Passed down through word of mouth and deeply entrenched in family values and respect for those who came before, these traditions can influence you for a lifetime – and they heavily imply that you should respect, value, and obey them without question. This ultimately shows the level of commitment Filipinos have to their loved ones and community.

There are a myriad of these customs when it comes to honoring our departed loved ones. I had my first personal experience of these when my uncle abruptly suffered a cardiac arrest recently and passed away not even 24 hours later. Not only was it a shock emotionally and mentally, but financially and physically as well. We struggled to communicate with our loved ones working abroad and nearly drained everyone’s savings for hospital bills.

I was constantly baffled and surprised by the amount of superstitious beliefs that the whole household was urged to follow.

Alas, we were able to get my uncle home and held a lamay (wake) wherein the people from our community could come over, pray, and spend the night playing card games to honor my uncle. In turn, the family of the departed would serve them coffee and snacks to pass the time. (So goes the tradition.)

In Filipino society, wakes would last for several days even weeks up to the burial day. Throughout the wake of my uncle, I was constantly baffled and surprised by the amount of superstitious beliefs that the whole household was urged to follow.

Examples of these include not being allowed to sweep our house (which left it messy since a lot of people came in and out to see my uncle). I was also loudly called out by my grandmother when she saw me combing my hair, telling me to do it outside the house. Then, we were also prohibited from eating chicken, “slimy” foods, or those that blossomed from vines.

In addition, we were not allowed to “leave” my uncle so everyone would take turns staying in the living room to watch over his coffin. This proved to be hard since my cousins still have school and others have jobs. At the same time, we were tasked to process necessary documents for government burial assistance. This balancing act was only achieved through consideration and willingness on everyone’s part so that we could respect this practice.

(The moment that raised my eyebrow the highest was when I was not allowed to take a bath in our bathroom while the wake was ongoing. It was only “okay” if I did it in other people’s houses.)

With these numerous customs to follow, I would always ask the reason why… but the best they could give me was that there is no harm in following it, or that it has been practiced many times so we have no choice but to do it too.

So it ultimately left me with more questions than answers. But when I think deeper about the situation, these practices must be rooted in a desire to show the grieving family that they are not alone in their situation, and that the whole community is mourning with them.

Eventually, I came to a realization that these practices were made to prolong the life (and memory) of my uncle who was bluntly taken away from us. It was just another way to express the heartbreak of his passing and still make him part of our world even if he is not physically here anymore.