Parenting is a delicate balance of nurturing, guiding, and disciplining children. While parents play an important role in shaping their children’s development, research has shown that when parents are unable to effectively manage their own emotions, particularly anger, and instead respond to their children with hostility, aggression, and provocation, it can have far-reaching and detrimental consequences on the child’s social, emotional, and cognitive wellbeing. In contrast, when parents can cultivate self-awareness and employ strategies to regulate their emotional responses, they are better equipped to create an environment that supports their children’s healthy growth and development.
In many Filipino families, cultural norms often discourage children from expressing negative emotions.
What happens when parents fail to manage their anger and instead provoke their children? Studies have demonstrated that children who are frequently subjected to parental anger and hostility are more likely to experience emotional and behavioral difficulties, such as low self-esteem, increased aggression, and poor emotion regulation skills (Crandall et al., 2015). This can lead to a cycle of negative parent-child interactions, where the child’s maladaptive behavior further fuels the parent’s frustration and anger, making a harmful dynamic. When parents fail to regulate their emotions and take it out on their children during disagreements or stressful situations, children may internalize that their sentiments and emotions are unworthy of validation and understanding. This leads to a rift forming in their parental bond.
In many Filipino families, cultural norms often discourage children from expressing negative emotions, particularly when disagreeing with parents. This can push the parents to rely on harsh discipline or negative verbal interactions to maintain authority. However, these strategies can inadvertently create an environment detrimental to a child’s emotional development. Children may feel invalidated and misunderstood, hindering their ability to healthily process and regulate their emotions. If their form of negative reinforcement continues, the result can be resentment, rebellious behavior, and a weakened parent-child bond.
Parents should learn that their children are not merely extensions of themselves.
Indeed, it is important that there should be respect between the parents and their children. However, parents should not use this to exhibit power and control over their children. Rather, they should aim to create a nurturing and supportive environment where children feel safe to express their emotions without fear of harsh consequences. In line with that, parents should learn that their children are not merely extensions of themselves, but unique individuals with their own thoughts, feelings, and needs. One way or another, they are bound to disagree on some things, and it is crucial that parents respond with patience, understanding, and a willingness to compromise.
Just because parents are seen as superior to children, it does not mean they have the right to impose their will, make unilateral decisions, or dominate the relationship in a way that disregards the child’s autonomy and emotional needs. There are more ways to establish parental authority and ensure respect through open communication, modeling positive emotional regulation, and fostering a collaborative problem-solving approach, rather than resorting to harsh discipline or emotional manipulation. This may be a hard pill to swallow for parents who are deeply ingrained in traditional Filipino cultural norms, but it is a necessary step towards creating a more nurturing and emotionally supportive environment for children to thrive.
