“May there be comfort knowing that someone so special will never be forgotten.”
– Julie Herbert

The holidays have always been a time for gathering, laughter, and togetherness. For many Filipinos, this season represents more than just festive meals and decorations, it’s a deep celebration of family. Christmas and New Year are marked by the closeness of loved ones, with extended families coming together in homes filled with love, music, and the aroma of traditional dishes like lechon and Filipino style spaghetti. But this year, for those experiencing their first holiday without a family member who is no longer here, the celebrations feel bittersweet. The laughter and joy are intertwined with moments of grief and longing, reminding everyone of the empty space that can never truly be filled.

Filipino culture places a high value on family, especially during the holidays. Family gatherings are central to the experience, with relatives from different parts of the country and even from abroad coming home to be with their loved ones. It’s a time to reconnect, to share stories, and to honor the traditions that have been passed down for generations. But when one of those family members is absent for the first time, the holiday’s sparkle dims just a little. The absence is felt in the quiet moments.

I lost my uncle to a cardiac arrest and my newborn nephew just recently. My uncle who was hardworking, fun, and a good father; who was the star of every holiday because he was the one who would bust out the microphone and sing his heart out. His absence was felt when nobody was singing the classic songs while we were all gathering for the New Year’s countdown.

My nephew who I was not even able to meet. I was supposed to give him his gift, hold him, and take pictures with him in his holiday clothes. But we never had the chance.

For those grieving, the contrast between the festive atmosphere and the sadness of loss can be overwhelming. There is joy in the company of family, but it is mixed with the painful realization that someone who was once an integral part of those celebrations is no longer there to share them. This sense of loss is especially intense for Filipinos, where family bonds run deep, and each holiday gathering is a reaffirmation of love and unity. 

It is compounded by the strong sense of familial responsibility that is woven into Filipino culture. Losing a loved one during the holidays can create an emotional gap that no amount of festive cheer can completely erase. The effort to hold up the holiday spirit while grappling with grief can feel exhausting, especially when the memory of the loved one is so present, yet so out of reach. 

Despite the sadness, many Filipinos find solace in honoring their loved ones’ memories during the holidays. During the New Year celebrations, we were waving my uncle’s picture because we knew he would have been on the dancefloor; it was our little tribute to him. In these moments of sorrow, there is an understanding that while the person may no longer be physically present, their spirit continues to live in the traditions they helped create. 

Cover photo by Wilson Montoya via Unsplash